


The voice Within

by IllyasJames



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Depression, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-26
Updated: 2017-05-26
Packaged: 2018-11-05 00:03:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11001765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IllyasJames/pseuds/IllyasJames
Summary: Victor is not depressed. He has been telling himself that for years, so it has to be true.





	The voice Within

**Author's Note:**

> Day 145 of my 365FF Challenge
> 
> Sorry. In a way I'm just venting my annoyance with my own depression. I'll get better and then I'll be able to write more. I'm so behind on all the stories I want to write. :}

Victor stares at the wall. It's a nice wall. He should probably change some of the pictures on it, as they've been the same for years. Maybe tomorrow. Today is not a good day, even if he thought yesterday today would be. He looks at his phone, he could call Chris. 

In the end he just decides to watch some video's online. It's his free day, he can do things he likes. Watch things he likes, like vids of a certain skater. 

He's not completely certain why he feels the need to watch those vids so often. He's not a fan, well he is, not like those people that always respond on his video's. Chris stated it is because he feels a connection with Yuuri. Something about them resonating. Victor decided not to ask deeper, as Chris had his moments.

Lately he had overheard more and more people at the rink state that his behavior was off. That scared him, he had perfected how to behave years ago, he did not know what he was doing for people to believe he was acting different. So he put in more effort than before to come of right. 

It wasn't till Yakov suggested that maybe he was feeling a bit depressed and he should talk to somebody about it, that he felt the need to laugh. And if it was a bit strained and louder than necessary it was only because him being depressed was an idiotic thought. 

He couldn't be depressed, he knows how depressions look like and he wasn't doing any of those things. Sure he had the tendency to come in at 9:30 at a 9 o'clock training, but that was just because he forgot to leave early enough and there were always at least one or two fan's to talk with. 

But he got up every morning, nice and early, none of that staying in bad all day crying his eyes out and weeping 'O, wo, es me's'. He'd seen enough sad movies to know that once he starts to do that he might consider it. 

Plus Victor loved his life. He would never do anything to change that, so he can't be depressed. He's just really focused on his career, he doesn't have time to feel depressed. 

Okay, he's not really getting the satisfaction he used to get, but it's been nearly twenty years. He has every right to be in a slump. He has earned that. His eyes dart over all of his rewards in the display cabinet. Well the ones he put in there, as he stopped doing that a few years ago, there are simply too many. Too many.

He continues with his known pattern of doing things, trying out new routines for the next season. So what if they are based on his interaction with Yuuri at the banquet. So what if he's making a show out of being whooed of his feet and then left standing with nothing. Maybe he feels the need to show the world that. 

It's not depression if you have a genuine reason to feel let down.

When there are reporters at the rink he acts like all is well, even makes some small talk with Yuri. Nobody will see that his mind is not really here right now. Maybe Yuuri sees this and he doesn't want to... he doesn't want to... he doesn't know what he doesn't want Yuuri to, just that he doesn't want to.

He takes the next day off from practicing when he walks into the rink and can't put his skates on. It just doesn't feel right, and he is not going to risk an injury, Yakov agrees. 

Coming home early, getting greeted by his Makkachin, should make him feel happy to have some time off. Except he hadn't planned anything, he has no idea what to do. He takes Makka for a long walk and crashes onto his sofa after that. Maybe there are some nice video's to watch.

Instead he finds his phone flooded with messages. Perhaps he should have taken it with him, but then again he had needed to not be available for a moment. He opens the first one. Something about a video he should watch. The next few all mentions the same thing, there is even a link. 

~

A month. That is how long he's been here now. Even a bit longer as it's been five whole weeks. Yuuri won the Onsen on Ice, he did so by wooing Victor. Again. And again he resulted in ignoring him afterwards. He just can't understand. 

He sits with Makka out on the porch at the back of the Onsen. Just sitting there staring at the stars. How can he reach for Yuuri, he is at a loss. Simply ambushing the man doesn't seem to work, but not doing anything isn't really helping either. He can just be the man's coach, but he knows they can be more.

"I thought I would find you here." 

Victor turns around, a bit startled to see Mari just standing there. A knowing look on her face. He doesn't have much experience with older sister's of the men he tried to woo. After all, there was usually no introducing to family involved. So he's not certain what she knows.

"Do you think you can hide it from me? Or Minako? We have dealt with Yuuri for years. His anxiety might be different but we read up on a lot of things before figuring out that that was what was wrong." 

Victor blinks. What does Yuuri's anxiety have to do with anything. Mari sighs.

"I assume you don't have a person in Russia right, or you'd have gotten a transfer for one here." 

Victor just stares, a cold shiver goes down his spine, a need to run, to not hear what is going to be said next fills him up. Mari sticks out her hand, clearly intent to pull him up to his feet.

"You're lucky that Yuur's is a good person, and when I called her she agreed to see you for a first consultation. Plus she went to the same school in America Yuuri went so she can speak English." 

Victor slowly comes to his senses and his feet. He wants to tell Mari that there is nothing wrong, that the voices in his head aren't like what everybody say they are, he's fine. The words stop from forming the moment she looks at him and gives him a smile you only give to somebody you want the best for.

"She can help you, and when she does, You'll figure out how to approach Yuuri just right." 

Victor puts his hand in hers and just nods. Letting himself get dragged out of the onsen and into her car.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, hope you enjoyed it.
> 
> If so please consider dropping a comment, even something as simple as a smiley makes my day. :}


End file.
